Putting my foot in it

Once again we come to the end of another week without any form of news worth mentioning. However, I did manage to get my very own personal officer to finally have a word with the psychology department here at the Lazy L, the realm of Hoss the Boss. He - my personal officer, henceforth referred to as my PO - came back and said that he had spoken to some fellow who, without reference to anything, said that he had nothing to do with my "case" and that it was being handled (or dealt with) by a female who is away on leave! They must get long leaves in this place - I've been here since March of last year and seen neither hide nor hair of a member of the psychology department nor had any form of communication from them. Perhaps I really am invisible!

My PO also said that this person, the elusive dealer in cases, knows all about me. Well, that's a good trick if you can do it! Never met me but knows all about me. I don't know all about me and I've met me several times. Anyway, let's not be unkind - we will see.

All of that notwithstanding, I have had yet another encounter with my favourite female, that ould tart, Lady Luck. Yesterday, as I was passing the kitchen door, I slipped on a patch of wet gravy that some slob had dropped and either didn't know he had done it or - and this is my theory - thought that he was above such menial tasks as cleaning up his own mess.

Flat on my back in front of several eye witnesses and, let's be honest, some of them have got memories like supergrasses - they can remember things that never happened in the first place, just like policemen. Flat on my back - but I simply bounced back up again, no harm done and no damage. I should have stayed down and demanded a huge compensation package, but I didn't - not a quick enough thinker obviously.

Ha! When we fall over we feel such fools! Everyone takes the piss. No wonder we get back up instantly and try to pretend it never happened. Life's like that.

As I say, I didn't hurt myself and I had completely forgotten the incident until I got into bed last night at about half ten. I couldn't get comfortable because my right shoulder was sore. I can't even remember landing on it - I thought I landed on my arse if I landed anywhere. But trying to get comfy in bed I found that I couldn't, I was sore. I dropped off to sleep quickly enough as usual but was soon awake again, my shoulder being really sore. By the time I got up this morning it was giving me a lot of grief and it will probably take days and days to settle down again. I won't take pain-killers - I never do, unless it is something seriously painful like listening to Leonard Cohen singing. 

It's all part of this getting old game, that's what it is. When we were young we bounced off floors, no harm done. These days I am in agony if I put my underwear on wrinkled.

What's all this got to do with Lady Luck? Well you may ask. The patch I slipped on couldn't have been any bigger than an inch or two square, no more, and I've only got size seven feet. Yet in that large expanse of area I managed to put my foot in it. Some folk think I've been putting my foot in it all of my life, but they are merely anti-social types better ignored. Oh yes, Lady Luck did it, she guided my foot!

Lesley keeps telling me to think positively, and before I forget I have to stop saying she has no sense of humour. Done that then. Apparently I have to think positive thoughts - she read it in a book recently. Yes, okay, I'll do that, but when I go arse over head as I slip on the gravy of life (left there by some unscrupulous nitwit), forgive me if I utter the odd word of a censorious nature on the way down to hurt my shoulder - and I don't mean, "Oh gosh! Ooops!"

The Voice In The Wilderness