Wednesday, December 17, 2014

It's a jungle out there

It's a jungle out there, it really is. It's not as though I live in a bad area, I don't. It used to be a bad area thirty years ago, but it's gone a bit up-market since I was a marauding bandit in the bad old days. Having said all that, in the last few months the place is going to hell in a barrow, the police are finding dead people all over the place, one a week practically. The latest one is right next door to me!
We woke up on sunday morning and Jackie said that  the front and back were cordoned off, police cars all over the place. The back was sealed off too with tjat tape that says we mustn't cross, scene of crime stuff. I opened ,my electronic gate at the back to get my car out but a horde of boys in blue told me to shut it again, scene of crime.
Anyway, they had found a stiff in the next flat, blood all over the place. That was sunday, today is wednesday and they are still there!
I'm telling you, it;s a junglr out there!

Thursday, November 06, 2014

You couldn't make it up

Ypu couldn't make it up, not at all. There I was this afternoon, lying on the settee looking for work and it occurred to me that I was surrounded by more animals than Dr Doolittle, or in my case, Dr Dofuckall. I had two budgies in a cage whistling like a sailor in a knocking shop; I had a cat called Grey lying on my chest trying to rip my skin off and purring with another cat called Kia lying looking at the budgie cage and licking it's lips. Lying next to the couch was the biggest, fattest, hairiest long haired shepherd on the planet, watching the cats closely. I thought to myself, fuck it, let them kill each other, and went to sleep. Well, you couldn't make it up.t

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The new lady

There is a new lady in my life and I have got to say it, she's magic. I have known Jackie for a long time but it is only recently that we have become an item, so to speak. Best thing I ever did really, she looks after me well, no two ways about it. Of course we shouldn't be expected to see eye to eye in everything, but oddly enough, we do! Oh well, all I can say is that I am delighted that there is a new lady in my life.

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

My Back Is Sore

My back is sore through buggering about on horseback.
Now, I know perfectly well that people of my age shouldn't even be riding spirited horses, let alone buggering about like a rodeo clown, but my trouble is that I don't listen to good advice, especially not my own. So now I've got a sore back.
Anyway, three o'clock this morning and I was woken up by the world's ugliest mutt shoving her face into mine.
"What do you want?" I asked, not unreasonably I thought. "Want to go toilet?"
So I got up despite my sore back, toddled all the way down to my kitchen door, unlocked it, opened it wide and looked around. No Tara.
Back upstairs and there she is, gone back to sleep beside my bed.
"Bastard!" I thought, and went back to sleep myself. Half an hour later I am woken up again, this time she is snoring, kicking her back leg and making funny noises in between snores. It's not even funny!
I mean to say, nobody likes a joke better than I do, but there is a point where a joke ceases to be a joke and turns into taking the piss.
Me with a bad back too!

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Nothing To Do With Her.

Apparently she has decided that it's got nothing to do with her, guarding the place is for lesser mortals (like me) while she lies there, yawning and watching the world cup. I'm not exactly sure who she wants to win it, she hasn't told me.
By the way, I am talking about my alleged guard dog, Tara.
I got my CCTV all working and everything, my premises is now idiot-proof, so I suppose that's why Tara no longer she feels the urge to bark when anyone arrives to be rude to me or ask for directions to the nearest massage parlour.
So, there she lies, practically comatose while I run around doing everything. She even lies down to casually eat her food! I call it just lazy. Of course she is popular. "Oooo!" cry several people a day as she ambles past, taking me for my daily perambulation, "Isn't she lovely!" Yeah! Right! Lazing around all day doing bugger all she has got the time to be lovely, I'm just surprised she hasn't started painting her nails yet.
As for any sort of reaction when the door bell rings, forget it, it's got nothing to do with her.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The Simple Fact is, I Am Dim

Can't get away from it, the facts of the matter are plain, even to a blind man. (Am I allowed to say that in these days of political correctness gone mad? I know I can't say Lesbians any more, I have to say "Ladies in sensible shoes.")
Ha! They are all looking down at their feet now and whispering to their friends, "Would you call these shoes, sensible?"
To get back to the point, I am basically dim, can't be denied.
I was going for a chat with the twins and was warned by a well-meaning idiot, "Watch them, they can turn nasty after a drink."
They are lovely really, Angie and Tishy, lovely ladies.
So, our hero, (that's me for those dimmer than I am) sits down between them and I put my arms around them, one arm each. Well, any more would be an extravagance and show favouritism. So, we are having a chat and as is my wont, I was very forthright with my words. They chased me with a view to reorganising my face for me. There was a lot of laughter, but that was the twins, I was busy screaming.
So, when they let me go and returned to stirring their cauldron... I mean to say, all I said was, "Right, when is Cinderella getting here?"
"What do you mean?" asked either Angie or Tishy.
"Well," said I. "We've got the two ugly sisters, I was just wondering..." and that was as far as I got.
Afterwards my pal told me, "I told you!" he said, but, well, you know me, the simple fact is, I am dim.

It's All Relative Really

It's true! It's all relative really. One man's security system is another man's pain in the arse, especially if you are a burglar just trying to earn an honest crust during the hours of darkness.
Where was I?
Right!. Today I got my security system all sorted out. The rear of my own place can only be reached through electronic, steel shutters, then up a steel fire escape and through my rear security door. That wasn't good enough for me, I decided to put in a CCTV to watch my back yard and door. Today I got my camera, any movements turns it on so let's hope the sparrows understand the flashing lights and machine gun nests.
I also got my monitor and recorder box thing, plus a very fancy cabinet to put it all in. I was going to put another camera outside the front door but let's be pragmatic here, burglars never come through the front door, especially when it is only feet away from a bus stop. All I need now is for our Joe to have a day off work to put it all in for me.
"I'll have to drill through two walls!" he cried.
"Lovely." was my reply.
I think he is off work on Thursday.
So, if the burglars can get past the electronic gates, the cameras, the rabid dog, machine gun nests, mine field and security door, then they will discover that I have got fuck all worth pinching anyway because as I stated earlier, it's all relative really.

Monday, June 09, 2014

Chatting Idly

So, there I was, sitting comfortably in the sun, dog at my feet and snoozing, watching my horses munching away at the good grass that is coming through. A peaceful, sedate scene by anyone's standards. Unfortunately it never stays that way with me; Along came a spider.
Well, it wasn't a spider, not really, it was one of the horsey set, a friend.
So, she sits next to me and after a minute or two says, "Freddie!" because that is what she calls me. "Freddie! You haven't got a girlfriend, have you?"
I said, "No. I'm a bit gun-shy in that direction at the minute."
"Ooo," says she. "Why is that then?"
"Because," said I. "I had a bad experience recently."
"With a woman?" asks she, eruditely.
"No," says I. "With a duck."
"Alright," says she. "No need for sarcasm. When did you have the bad experience?"
"Nineteen Seventy Three."
Of course she thought that was hilarious and while she was laughing I took the opportunity to bugger off with the dog. Well, the conversation was treading on thin ice in my opinion.
Oh yes, never get into idle chats with single females, even pretty ones in the horsey set. Pretty soon you won't be able to claim your saddle as your own.

Sunday, June 01, 2014

More Protective by the Day

More protective by the day, that's what she is getting, downright territorial!
I have had the new flat just over a fortnight now and I am pleased to say that it is more or less all finished although I am still not actually living there, not yet. That's not what I am talking about, I am telling a shaggy dog story here, and if there was ever a shaggy dog, it's my dog Tara. She is a long-haired German shepherd, as ragged as a whore's knickers when the fleet is in town. Anyway, I take her with me everywhere I go and that includes the flat.
When I first took her there she wasn't all that keen, a new place and all that sort of thing; But now she is used to the place she wanders around as if she owns it, and in her eyes she probably does. At first when anyone came to the door she would stick her ears up, give a little bark and then look at me as though to ask for approval.
Not now.
Now she follows me everywhere. She lies at my feet when I am sitting on the sofa and if I get up to get the paper or something, she follows right on my heels. She won't let me out of her sight and even tries to come into the bathroom with me. AND! if someone knocks on the door she charges downstairs barking like a loonie, and let's have it right, being a big dog she's got a big bark. Got big teeth as well come to that. Still, I suppose she has to earn her corn somehow so she is becoming the world's silliest guard dog, she even chases flies! That's all well and good, but she's over six stones and clumsy with it, it's not funny sometimes. I have had to put all breakables where she can't knock em off or over and she is getting territorial, more protective by the day.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

I certainly Attract Them

Well, I certainly attract them, the lame, halt, lazy, weird and wonderful. I got myself a flat as a sort of interim measure to better things; Well, Joe is going to have a new bathroom, new kitchen, chimney breast removed and other major work done on the house. So the place will be a building site for a little while. I needed a place so I went and got one, as you do. Nice place, above a friend's shop, bathroom and kitchen are new and the bedroom is big, but nothing like as big as the sitting room which is enormous! It used to be two bedrooms but is now just one big room, you need opera glasses to watch the telly! So, I have done it all, painted, fully carpeted, the works. Nice furniture, all that, it only needed the curtains. However, the windows go with the rest of the place, massive, so I had to buy big curtains. Then I had to work out how to put them up, never having had to do such a thing before. So, I was talking about it to my brother and a pal and this strange female, (well known to my brother,) offered to have a look and tell me what I needed to do. Half an hour later a friend tells me that this woman is pissed out of her brains and running me down saying that I am after her.
Why is life full of the weirdos and cranks that it seems full off, and why do I attract them? And make no mistake about it, I certainly attract them!

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

A Nasty Piece of Work

What a nasty piece of work. Anyone who knows me, or of me or who has read my blog from time to time knows that I have met and associated with a few nasty pieces of work over the years, and there are many who thinks and say I am one myself. However, I used to associate with a female, nothing special, just an association that went wrong through her choice, not mine. She told me to go away only not using those precise words. Then the horrible texts started so I had to block her and all the rest of it. Well, I didn't hear from the horrible cow for a while and then she must have got hold of another phone or something because she started again. I told her to 'fuck off' but she wouldn't. I have had to block her again. I kid you not, she is nothing short of vermin, a nasty piece of work.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Now we know.

Now we know why she died. Apparently it was a build-up of fatty tissue around her heart. She wouldn't have known a thing, just went to sleep and that was it. It doesn't seem right to me somehow, she was what is called 'a happy bunny' full of life. It is true what they say, there is no justice in this world, but for what good it does, at least now we know.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Ellen Jane.

My little sister died this morning and we don't know why. Her name was Ellen Jane

Saturday, March 15, 2014

My family.

My family! I just thought I would mention them. I have five brothers and three sisters although there have been losses, not all of them are still with us. Okay, there are eight of us left and in our turn we have our children. Okay, not all of us have children, (all in their mature ages by now of course)  but between us there are twenty one children. Those children, in their turn have got children! Let's say they average 2.5 each! that still comes to over eighty people, and that's not counting cousins! I told you, it's an extended family!
Okay, we have the whole gamut amongst that lot, We have the nasty ones, that includes me I suppose, the silly, the grumpy and the downright insane. The piss-heads and the dick-heads and all stops in between. We are as dysfunctional as the best of them, but they are all MY family.

We've got a plan!

We've got a plan! A couple of members of my family, ( and incidentally, I have a huge, extended family,) have decided that before the autumn sets in we are going to buy our own piece of land with stables out in the sticks somewhere. We are looking for several acres to turn into paddocks, stabling and tack room for up to ten horses and of course a house to go with it. It's no use moving caravans or trailers on there, we don't want it looking like a trailer park or a gypsy caravan site. It is a revelation how many of the clan want to get away from the conurbations and live a quiet life. It won't be cheap, but that's okay, we've got a plan!

Saturday, March 08, 2014

One Last Fling!

I was all snug this morning when I woke up at about 4.30 am. No idea what woke me but when I stuck my nose out from under the duvet it was cold. Sleeping with the window wide open as I do, (I need fresh air, can't sleep in a stuffy room) the cold gets into the room easily. However, this wasn't just cold, it was COLD!
Here we are, March, the winter should be over by now. We should be getting winds and , March winds, not sodding cold. Mind, we often get snow up to Easter time so I am not surprised. Anyway, it's a bit windy and cold, and I have got to go up the stables and see to the Gee-Gees.
Maybe the winter isn't finished with us yet. Perhaps it is having one last fling.

Thursday, March 06, 2014

Creative writing

Me and Tara (the dog) went down to the stables this afternoon to see to the horses. We've only got three horses down at the bottom stables, the other two are up at the top stables because one is very old and the other very young. Tilly is the young one, the one which thinks kicking me is a great game. Anyway, we put Samson, Chloe and Sadie in the paddock to roll about in the mud and then it started to rain so me and the dog retreated into the car and I fell asleep with the dog dribbling all over me. Very pleasant hour I had too, woke up feeling like shit so I put the horses away and called it a day. All I am doing now is sitting at the computer pretending to be a policeman ...I am doing creative writing.

Sunday, March 02, 2014

Cabbages and Kings

"The time has come!" The walrus said,
"To speak of many things.
Of balls of string and sealing wax,
Of cabbages and kings."

Saturday, March 01, 2014

The new girlfiend

There is a mystery on the scene!
I have met this new lady, she 'seems' really nice. Considerate, slim, very attractive, and she smells nice. I ask no questions, nobody expects a virgin at my age, ha ha ha. We will see, all I can say for now is, there is a mystery on the scene, a new girlfriend.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

It's the cheese

It's the cheese! It's not the whisky, that just puts you to Bo Peep, no it's the cheese. What you need is cheese, a really strong, bordering on the disgusting cheese. You are guaranteed dreams and possible, if you are lucky, a nightmare. Oh I love a good nightmare because somehow, no matter how bad the dream is, I always know it's a dream,. I can wake myself up at will, more or less. But, if you want a good dream, get a strong cheese, It's the cheese that does it.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Stephen Grellet 1773-1855

I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.

I had a girlfriend once, I called her 'The Crown Jewels' because you could look, but you couldn't touch.
Frank Wilkinson 1946-

Monday, February 17, 2014

Two Cats Was All It Took

Down at the stables Michael had chickens. One by one they were disappearing and we suspected a fox was getting them. Their numbers slowly decreased until at the end of last week there were only three left. A fox had even been seen, I saw one myself.
Anyway, today there are no chickens and Michael caught the culprits in the act, two ginger cats, sitting waiting patiently inside the now empty chicken house, an old stable.
So, all this time we had suspected a fox when really all it took to get rid of two dozen chickens was a couple of cats.


Mud! It was everywhere.
Down the stables this morning and I took Chloe into the exercise paddock. It has quite a depth of mud so that the horses have to work hard when they trot round. Anyway, as I say, went in with her and my feet sank into the mud up to the tops of my wellies, I couldn.t move! Of course Chloe shoved me and down I went, splatt! Up to the waist in it, thick, gooey and probably attractive to alligators for all I know. I was lucky really because the horse stood all over me but only shoved me into the soft mud, no harm done, not even a bruise.
Michael said, "That was unlucky! If we had got that on video we could have got two hundred and fifty quid from 'You've Been Framed."
I said, "Alright, I'll do it again, I can't get any dirtier, I'm already thick with mud."

Sunday, February 16, 2014

It could be worse.

Sometimes I wonder about the people I read about or read from on this page.
Well, whoever they are, I hope that they are well and that they are happy.
Am I happy?
It aint so bad.
It could be worse.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014


It occurs to me that from time to time I may offend people. Well, I just want to say that if I ever say anything which does cause offence, may I say with the greatest humility and sincerity that I couldn't give a shit.

Ha Ha.

Ha Ha! I have blocked her, change3d my passwords, everything. I am rid of the vicious cow. Ha Ha!

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Had a great day

Had a great day today. Nothing earth shattering or anything like that, but I stood with a horse resting it's head over my shoulder and a dog actually lying on my feet. Okay, it's not much, but it means a lot to me. The fact that I have a new woman in my life and a silly nineteen year old who wants to be my new girlfriend is by the way. It's the John Wayne impressions that do it you know. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that today was special, I had a great day today.

I told you!

I told you that she is weird! Now she is making sort of veiled threats and demanding something or other, who knows? Anyway, I have changed my passwords so she can't meddle with things. I wish she would go away, but I told you, she is weird.


Her name is Yvonne and she is weird. I have been trying to delete her from my circles but I don't know how to. Unfortunately that means when I post anything she gets it too and thinks it is meant for her. She gets nasty. So, if anyone can tell me how to get rid of her, I would appreciate it, she is weird.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Sunday, February 09, 2014

lovely person

I just read about Jessica, what a lovely person.

I don't know what I am doing.

Sometimes...well, most of the time really, I don't know what I am doing.
Unfortunately, and this will be readily attested to by all who know me, the above is a true statement.
However, every now and then, once in a blue moon so to speak, I get something right.
Ha! At this point someone will be thinking, "What did he get right?"
Can't tell you that, it is classified information.
It's not really, it's just that I am afraid that if I say too much too soon I will make a mess of it, or someone else will, so until I am on more solid ground, I'm saying nuttin'.
Let it suffice for me to hint, I met a nice person, she is lovely, both internally and out-ternally. (That's not a real word, but it should be.)
I don't want to make a bollix of it, so I am taking everything with caution. Basically because I normally don't know what I am doing.

Tuesday, February 04, 2014

I was conned

I haven't been awake very long but long enough to know that I have been conned.
I went to bed last night full of strong cheese and equally strong whisky, fully expecting a night of weird dreams. What did I get? Nada, zilch, zero, nuttin', nowt, sweet bugger all.
Slept like a baby, (that'll be the whisky) and not a dream in sight, nasty or otherwise.
So, the gobshite who told me about the dreams and nightmares was telling me porkies, I feel as though I have been had over, ripped off, fooled and mugged off. Basically, I was conned.

Monday, February 03, 2014

Cheese and whisky

Ive just had strong cheese and whisky.
Somebody once told,me that cheese causes nightmares and whisky causes dreams. I should be in for an interesting night.
I have just had very strong cheese and whisky

Saturday, February 01, 2014

There is always one.

It's true! There is always one, in this case a bolt that quite simply refuses to cooperate and won't come undone.
Ellen Jane has a cart, a little, light-weight trotting cart, and she wants rid of it. It's been stuck on top of the stable roof for God knows how long but we finally brought it down for her the other day, me and young Charlie. Anyway, Charlie pumped up the tyres after breaking the first pump and we got the thing harnessed up to Samson. Off he went, Charlie, round the block, no bother. So Ellen Jane gets up with him for the second circuit. I stayed with Charlie's Ma waiting for them to get back. They came back with Samson untacked and being led by EJ, Charlie was pulling the cart, a broken shaft.
No harm done, all I need to do is take both shafts, shorten them by about three inches, put them back on and she can flog the useless thing and get another cart.
Easier said than done.
Each shaft is held by two bolts, all I had to do was remove the bolts, shorten the shafts, reseat them, drill new holes and put the bolts back in. Three came out easily, not the fourth. Three times today I have been driving back and forth getting tools, monkey wrenches, grips, socket sets, spanners, allen keys and in the end I got a hacksaw and sawed the bastard off altogether. I'll replace the shafts when my stress levels recover.
There is always one.

Friday, January 31, 2014

It easier to handle a friendly lion than it is to deal with an angry dog

Quote of the day

Life is the same for everyone when you are alone at night in an empty room

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Decision made!

I've done it! I have made my mind up. I know what to do about the cuckoo clock AND little Tilly.
I am going to beat her to death with the fucking cuckoo clock.

She's only little

She's only little, about five months old and her name is Tilly, Tilly Trotter. We were down the yard seeing to the horses, feeding, mucking out, that sort of thing and Ellen Jane, (Her who splits her head open and gets five stitches just for a laugh,) said, "Why don't we take Samson and Tilly for a walk?"
"Okay," says I, but Samson wasn't cooperating so we just took Tilly.
So there we were, walking round the track when Tilly decided to stop and refused to move another inch. Well, the world is brand new to her and everything new she encounters has to be stared at for half an hour.
"Come-on! Tilly," cries out hero. (that's me by the way.) And I pulled her lead rope. Ha! She might be little but like all females she has a mind of her own. If she decides she's not moving, she's not moving. So I give the lead rope to Ellen Jane and I get at the arse of the horse to chivvy her along a bit. She lashed out and her leg hit my thigh. Good job it wasn't a hoof and it only hit my thigh, I would have been writing this from an A&E department.
Of course EJ thought it was hilarious.
"Little bastard," I said, could have been referring to either one of them, take your pick.
Anyway, not even a bruise, which was lucky, but there again, she's only little.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Waiting for my chance

So here's me, sitting here just doing my best to ignore the fucking cuckoo clock. Listen! when I bought that nobody told me what a pain in the arse it would be. "Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuck-fucking-oo!"
Now I know why nobody likes the Swiss.
As if that wasn't bad enough it plays a little tune as well.
Well, I've got a plan. The first chance I get I am going to assassinate the little bastard, I will be doing my public duty, I will be doing everyone a favour!
So, until then, I'm just sitting here, waiting for my chance.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Sunday Night, (almost midnight)

It's Sunday night and getting on for the witching hour. I've had a couple of glasses of Scotland's finest golden nectar and I will soon be on my way to my solitary pit. Don't feel sorry, I prefer sleeping alone, I've had a lot of practice. The other day Ellen Jane and the rest of us were sitting at the dining table, satisfying the ravenous beast, (feeding the dog under the table in my case) and out of the blue she said, "You know what I have always wanted...a cuckoo clock."
Fate has a strange way of playing with us because a couple of hours later I went into the Blue shop on Fulwell Road and Kath who runs the place said to me, "Freddy! Wait till you see what I've got for you," went into the back room and came out with a cuckoo clock and all the bits. Mind, it WAS in bits too!
"Look," said she. "It's broken but it will still make a nice ornament. Give me two quid for it."
So I did.
It didn't take Joe very long to get it working and all back together and now we have a cuckoo clock that goes, "Cuckoo!" on the hour and once for every hour, whatever that hour is. THEN it plays a little tune.
Anyway, tonight, Joe videoed it at 11 o'clock...eleven "cuckoos" and a little tune. He said he is putting it on Facebook.
Personally, I am posting this and then finishing my last glass and going to bed, after all, it is almost midnight, Sunday Night.


Something woke me up early this morning, so I am not at my best at all. No idea what it was, I just woke and when I looked at my bedside clock it was just after 5 am. Cripes! the sparrows aren't out of bleedin' bed yet!
Anyway, I wandered downstairs, doing my best not to fall down in the dark and breaking my neck, (and some folk might think THAT'S not a bad idea) ( but we won't mention that, eh?) Went into the kitchen after noticing that Ellen Jane was asleep on the settee. She must have fallen asleep watching the telly and Joe, her husband must have decided to leave her there because she had a quilt over her. Anyway, in the kitchen the dog started shoving me around as usual so I made myself a cuppa, gave Tara another pat and came back upstairs.
I know what I am going to do next. I'll post this scintillating piece of prose, finish my tea and go back to sleep, after all, it's still early.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

I don't care much for sly people.

Earlier on tonight I drove all the way to Hartlepool to see someone and when I got there, standing outside the front door after knocking and ringing, I got no answer. Cold it was, standing there like a tin of condensed milk. I knew they were in, they always are. I gave them a ring on their mobile AND the house phone, no response.
Okay, it is entirely their choice who they speak to but at least they should say so, not hide and pretend to be deaf. I don't care much for sly people.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

I'm just getting old

I'm just getting old, that's the problem.
The signs are all there. You know the sort of thing; You stand up after sitting for any length of time and you go, "Aaahh," because the knees take a few moments to catch up...You take your time going up stairs...Not much bothers you anymore but at the same time a lot of things start to piss you off.
Ha! I'm glad you mentioned THAT!
Lots of things are starting to piss me off.
For a start, those clowns who can't pull their fucking trousers up! They walk around with their trousers hanging down to their knees, it's trendy. Have they any idea where the practice stems from? It comes from the American prison system. The 'Punks', the 'Bitches', wear their trousers hanging off their arses as a sign that they are available.
THAT pisses me off, trousers hanging down. Another thing that pisses me off are people who can't comb their hair! They have made it trendy to look like they just woke up. They look like fucking tramps!
And of course idiots who ride bikes on pavements. Get on the roads or the cycle lanes, that's what they are there for!
It's raining, rain always pisses me off, either that or perhaps I am just getting old.

I've Been a Bit Busy

Our Michelle asked me the other day, "Have you stopped doing your blog?"
Well, I haven't actually stopped, I've just been a bit busy.
Having said that, when I think about it, I haven't been doing much but it takes a lot of effort, not doing much. I wake up each morning in my extremely comfortable bed, and let me just say this; After over a quarter century of sleeping on Lizzie Windsor's nasty beds, my current bed is bliss. Any mature ladies who want to try it, send me an email. No young women please, I do not need some young lady knocking on my door to tell me that she has a belly full of arms and legs, I'm too old for that bollocks.
Where was I?
Right. I wake up each morning in my comfy kip and I am usually sprawled all over it, it's one of those king size things, loads of pillows, snuggly duvets, it's brilliant. Who would want to get out of such a bed?
I finally persuade myself to get up and once I have had my first cuppa I wander down to the Green and get the papers, come back and sit in the dining room to read them and do the crosswords. Well, I am retired, what have I got to hurry for?
The dog needs taking for a walk, that's usually the next job, but at the same time my little sister Ellen Jane wants a lift down to the yard to see to her horses. She sees to my horse as well so normally I don't mind. I shove Tara into the back of the car, her barking and general anti-social behaviour drawing the attention of the passing populace. I drop EJ off at the yard sometimes, sometimes I stay with her there and do horsey things, but normally I go off on my own with Tara down to the beach or somewhere equally open-spaced. By the time she has had her run about, usually soaking wet and filthy, she gets back into the car and makes the rear seat wet and filthy but I don't mind that, I never sit in the back.
By then of course I am hungry so I drive to somewhere tasty like the café overlooking Roker beach or the Roker Pie Shop or somewhere. Good, wholesome, cheap feed, you can't get vexed.
Then it's usually back to the yard or some other place where I have odd interests of one sort or another, none of them even worth mentioning but they interest me.
Back home by tea time with a bit of luck, seeing various members of the clan and onto my writing while I wait for my tea, and let me say right here, our EJ keeps a good food house, we dine well.
By then, it's dark out so I can't do much else apart from play cards or read on my tablet thing.
We have a few jars then supper of course and before I know where I am I want to go back to my lovely comfy bed, I mentioned it earlier.
So, in response to the question, "Have you stopped doing your blog?" The answer is, "I have been a bit busy."