Mud.

Mud! It was everywhere.
Down the stables this morning and I took Chloe into the exercise paddock. It has quite a depth of mud so that the horses have to work hard when they trot round. Anyway, as I say, went in with her and my feet sank into the mud up to the tops of my wellies, I couldn.t move! Of course Chloe shoved me and down I went, splatt! Up to the waist in it, thick, gooey and probably attractive to alligators for all I know. I was lucky really because the horse stood all over me but only shoved me into the soft mud, no harm done, not even a bruise.
Michael said, "That was unlucky! If we had got that on video we could have got two hundred and fifty quid from 'You've Been Framed."
I said, "Alright, I'll do it again, I can't get any dirtier, I'm already thick with mud."