Sunday, January 02, 2011

Desperate Dan McScrooge

It may be remembered that for some weeks I banged on a bit about the thirty-nine (39!) governor grades that we have here at the Lazy L and about how, as far as anyone could see, not one of them is doing anything constructive. In fact, not one of them seems to be doing anything at all.

Now, we have all heard the old adage about the devil finding work for idle hands - and this is so true when it comes to the governor grades here at the Lazy L. Having nothing to do, these governor grades seek to do things just to show that they are active in the running of the place. They could always do the job they are paid to do, of course, and then they would be too busy to meddle and bugger things about, but they leave that job to minions. The Lazy L thirty-niners have abrogated all responsibility to lesser mortals. Perhaps I should say "delegated" rather than "abrogated" - but let's not get too pedantic: the meaning is clear.

One of the thirty-niners has decided that from henceforth all cons who are retired for medical reasons must be kept locked in their cells all day every day. The fact that the medical services only retire the seriously ill in the first place seems to have missed his comprehension, but never mind.

Not being allowed to use his name (that would be unkind) I have therefore to give him one of my specials. With it being the season of goodwill to all men - together with the fact that he decided to make this attack on the terminally sick on Christmas Eve - I can give him no better one than Scrooge. In fact Desperate Dan Scrooge sounds even better - and we might as well stick a Mc in there as well (they are allegedly mean-spirited). So Desperate Dan McScrooge it is then.

The reason for retiring such people is so that they are on the wing, within sight and call of staff should an emergency arise. It also gives the infirm the opportunity to conduct their little jobs about the place during the quiet of the working day and so avoid the bustle and hustle of the wing when everyone is running about like a lunatic.

All this has been ignored by this fellow. The fact that he does not have the power to overrule the doctors is something else that has slipped his alert attention. Watch this space - we will see how it turns out.

I'd better tell a seasonal story now I suppose.

A fellow was driving home from work just after midnight, about ten minutes past midnight on Christmas morning in fact. As he turned into his street, his car slipping and sliding on the underpacked ice, he ran into a police roadblock.

"What's going on?" he asked the copper who came to his window.

The street had searchlights, there were armed police, neighbours were out - the lot. Further down the street there seemed to be a group of armed coppers with searchlights pointing upwards. Just before the copper could answer the fellow's question, there came a lot of static from an electric megaphone and a voice boomed out, "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR NAME IS, GET THAT REINDEER OFF THE ROOF!"

I hope everyone has a splendid New Year!

The Voice In The Wilderness

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