Ticking away the moments

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way.
(Pink Floyd 1973)

That's it!

That sums up my past week perfectly - frittering and wasting with the best of them, and simply passing time like the rest of them. Needless to say there is no news, no progress, not a word said by anyone at all on any subject whatsoever. I'm not saying that I have become invisible again, but I might just as well be so. During the course of the last week I have been expecting daily to be given the decision of the Parole Board - after all, they did say that they would make their decision on the 5th of the month. And one thing is for absolutely certain - if it was a refusal, someone would have broken their necks to tell me; I would have known long since.

That hasn't happened.

I think that they will be working out my licence conditions, and that will include restrictions on my movements. No need for them, of course, but I suppose they have to be seen to be doing something to protect Joe Public from a sixty-six year old who wants nothing more than a quiet life away from all vexatious folk and nit-wits.

On top of that, there were also the concerns , misguided concerns,  about what they termed "Your website".

I haven't got a website. It's not mine, it simply bears my name here and there. Just because it bears my name doesn't make it mine. I bet there is a website devoted to Adolf Hitler but it isn't HIS!

The board were informed "This matter has been taken up with NOMS and the Home Office and he [me] isn't doing anything wrong."

They don't quite get the fact that I'm not actually doing anything at all. Whatever I write is duly vetted to ensure that it causes no distress to anyone and yet it still seems to cause concern to some. What can I say?

I've had a lot of mail this last week from various friends and a couple of family members, all asking the same thing - "Have you got parole or not?"

I can't answer the question (story of my life really), so I haven't replied to any of the letters. What is the point of answering a letter to say one thing and then a few days later having to rewrite them all because I have an answer?

That's one of the things about the Prison Service which particularly irritates me - their complete lack of concern for anyone's family, almost bordering on hubris really. It's all well enough to treat us cons like second class citizens - after all, most of us are not even that far up the ladder - but thought should be given to families and others who are just as eager for an answer.

I expect I shall hear in the next few days of course, but there again, I've been saying that for almost two weeks now. So, until I DO hear I shall continue ticking away the moments that make up a dull day, frittering and wasting my time like a man who has a lot to spare - which actually I haven't, but the Prison Service doesn't care in their hubris and ivory towers.

Someone asked me the other day, "What will you do if you get a refusal?"

I grinned, of course, and said, "After twenty-seven years of bad news and disappointments, that would simply be one more in a long catalogue of disappointments. All it would mean is that I would have to gird the loins, strengthen the weakened knees, take a deep breath and start working again for the next time."

Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town,
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.
Tired of lying in the sunshine,
Staying home to watch the rain.

The Voice In The Wilderness