Wednesday, April 03, 2013

I shall not pass this way again

I didn't do this blog yesterday, as would be normal for a Sunday morning - no, I left it for today, Easter Bank Holiday Monday.


You may well ask.

Well, the thing is that today is my last full day in this particular jail. Tomorrow I go to reside in a secret place in an undisclosed city. It's just another jail really with a few more restrictions (in some respects) than this one, and a few less (in some respects) than Alcatraz - but let's not be churlish, eh?

I've done all I need to do here - got everything signed, sealed and to be finally delivered at the crack of dawn tomorrow. Then I shall simply fade away - not with a bang but with a whimper.

It's been a long ould journey - and it's not finished yet, not by a long chalk. Oh no, not a bit of it. In fact I probably have one of the most difficult periods that I have ever had before me. The thing is that I am ostensibly released - the Parole Board said so!

But I'm not.

However, I shall manage. I always have and always will.

Out of the night tbat covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever Gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud:
Under the bludgeonings of chance,
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

(W E Henley - "Echoes" 1888)
I admit it, I'm tired - fatigued, knackered - but even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea.

So, this is my swan-song as far as this place is concerned. Next week I will be writing from the secret location mentioned earlier. I will be expecting (and hoping) that I can finally begin some form of correspondence with people, make new friends (it's too late  to make new enemies) and do my best to enjoy a little peace in what years I may have left. I have a lot of stuff I want to write, even more stuff I want to read - neither activity very strenuous, and I can do them on my own (an idea I like the sound of). Well, life is the same for everyone when you are alone at night in an empty room.

I have little desire or intention of joining the Rat-Race. Well, the trouble with the Rat-Race is that even if you win, you are still a rat, and I've never been that. Been a lot of other things - some were even legal.

So, from now on I intend to do my best to adhere to both the spirit and the letter of Stephen Grellet's philosophical thought:

I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow-creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
The Voice In The Wilderness

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