Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Godot on his way?

This is strange - weird even! I have finally got something worth writing about and yet I quite simply haven't. Now, I am fully aware of the fact that the above sentence makes about as much sense as sliding down a razor blade and using your bollocks for a brake. (I apologize to the ladies - the above scenario is one you simply cannot appreciate. Mind, thinking about it, and looking around this place, I've got my reservations.)

I've got the Parole Board's letter (at last!) and, while they do NOT recommend my release (we never expected them to, nor did we ask them to), they HAVE recommended that I be sent to an Open Prison to allow me to begin my reintegration into the society I have been apart from for so long.

"HURRAH!" we cry.

Not so fast - hold on there, Bald Eagle, pull back a little. It's not as simple as that. Remember, we are dealing with the Lazy L here, and nothing is ever as it seems in this place. I quote from the Memo which came to me from the Offender Management Unit with the Parole Board's letter/recommendation:

In light of the recommendation, the Secretary of State will now review your case and make a final decision. Until this decision is received, the prison is unable to put into motion any transfer to open conditions.
Now, I fully appreciate that the correct procedures have to be adhered to, but what it means to me is that I'm back to waiting again - and who knows for how long this time? I don't anticipate any difficulties from the Secretary of State, but you never know - and even when he DOES make his decision, or ratifies the Board's decision, I then have the Lazy L to contend with. So it could be months of waiting again - who knows?

Anyway, that's all for the future. I am delighted at the decision of the Board, and yet feel a certain amount of trepidation (if that is the word I want) because "there is many a slip 'twixt cup and lip", as the proverb would have us believe.

Be all that as it may be, I was particularly struck by a sentence attributed to The Wallace which said (to paraphrase) that I would need to learn to budget and cook. Well, I've been living on a tenner a week for two years now and people ask ME for things like sugar and stuff like that. As for the cooking, Boudica is now gritting her teeth and saying, "Are they casting aspersions on my cooking? What are they trying to say? Why would the old goat need to cook? Do they think I am just going to sit on my fat keister and give him orders like Delia Smith?" Hee hee - and I've toned that down a good bit from what I know she actually WILL say. Has a bit of a temper has our Boudica.

So, it looks like me off to Open Prison sooner or later and I've got to say that it's a whole new world for me - it's going to be a culture shock. Oh I'll handle it, but it's going to be very interesting indeed, wandering about unfettered, dressing like Vincente Gigante - and I might take up smoking a pipe! It's been a long time coming and, let's face it, it ain't actually here yet. You know me, the world's greatest optimistic pessimist - hope for the best but expect the worst. There is an old Arab proverb which says:

Put all of your trust in Allah, but first tie up your camel.
Finally, let me point out that I have not succumbed to the very real temptation to point any accusatory fingers at anyone who may have attempted to put the mockers on things - not much point in antagonising anyone at this stage in the proceedings. The temptation is there, but I won't do it. I'll take the higher ground and be sanctimonious about it - a sort of pain in the arse.

FINALLY finally, I haven't told anyone here at the Lazy L, not yet. I see so many young fellows around me with thirty years and more to serve and I don't want to be seen as some sort of gloater, if that is a word. One who gloats - it probably is. 

Most cons will be glad because, if a fellow like me can get progress, so can they. It gives a bit of hope to those who may have been thinking that they had none - "If he can do it, so can I" sort of thing. However, there are also one or two vindictive and jealous fellows who will not take into account the fact that I've been in jail for over twenty-five years - they will simply resent me. I don't want any of that sort of animosity because some idiot may do something stupid to fuck things up for me. Let's face it - intelligent they ain't (although they think they are). Oh it's a jungle in here right enough - we have to be aware at all times.

So, in conclusion, I'm back to the waiting game once again. When Godot finally does turn up, I'm going to take him by the scruff of the neck and say, "Where've YOU been?" He will probably say, "I got stuck in the Lazy L - and you know what it's like trying to get out of there."

The Voice In The Wilderness

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