I am going nowhere today

I am going nowhere today, not moving an inch. In fact, I am not even getting dressed today.
I went to bed at a perfectly respectable time last night, about a quarter past ten, that's practically when saints go to bed. I have written to the Vatican, I am just waiting for a reply.
So, bed nice and early and asleep in minutes, the conscience of a baby.
Was I allowed to sleep? Was I bollocks.
At eleven minutes past midnight I was woken up but of course, she denies it.
"Want a cuppa? love," says she.
"I might as well now you have woke me up!" says me graciously.
"I didn't wake you up," she lies.
Took me a while to get back to a sort of half sleep and awake again a three zero five, this time because the little dog had decided to get in bed beside me and she squirms about until comfy!
I just sort of dozed after that and at eleven minutes past five the big dog decided to nut me because he wanted to go outside and of course he only ever wakes me up.
I thought to myself, "Fuck it," and got up to make myself a cuppa.
Went down, made a cuppa and fell asleep on the settee but the big dog smashed open the door at seven because why should he stay in the kitchen and lie on the floor when there is a nice settee to lie on?
So, here I am, feeling like yesterday's stale curry and I am going nowhere today.